i leave a week from today, and i am not looking forward to it at all. i get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when i think about it. first of all, i know how hard it is to say goodbye to my family, and to leave them yet AGAIN, and i am not looking forward to it at all. second of all, i am freaked out of my mind about the unknowns in my future. that's another thing that makes me feel sick. i am so scared that i won't be able to find a job, and that i won't be able to pay for school, or for rent, and basically that i will fail miserably at being a responsible adult.
i know that i can trust God, but so often i just worry. i tend to forget the many times He has proved himself so faithful... the times that He has proved to me that His plans for me are GOOD, better than i could ever dream up. when has He let me down? never. He has ALWAYS provided. Jesus, forgive me for not trusting you. i think i feel like because i haven't been talking to you much lately, because i have been screwing up, because i feel like i'm so far away, that You will punish me by letting me go, by letting me fall. but You say, "never will i leave you, never will i forsake you."
No eye has seen, no ear has heard,
and no mind has imagined
what God has prepared
for those who love him.
tina (yeah, tina from morocco) just randomly sent me that message on skype. she's never sent me anything on skype. i think i needed to hear that. God has GOOD THINGS prepared for me. i can trust Him. He won't let me down. i will look back on this, like i've looked back before, and say, "why was i so worried? if i knew then what i know now, i wouldn't have worried." and i will tell myself that i was being silly, and not to do that again. so that's what i'm trying to do. not worry, and trust God.
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